As I said before, I’m actually attending a church now. I encourage others to overcome their apathy and cynicism and look for a church if you don’t already have one. But perhaps now more than ever, one must be shrewd in choosing a home church among dozens of local, apparently uniform churches. Note that this article is about choosing a local church, not about choosing a church tradition or denomination, which is a separate issue. I’m writing primarily about protestant churches, though some of these are applicable to our Catholic/Orthodox friends as well.
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First, a word on the whole notion of church shopping. Some decry the consumerist mindset of the very phrase, and they’re right in that we can’t approach church as if it exists to please us. However, there are churches everywhere you look in America, and it would be stupid to pick one randomly when you can pick one intelligently. If you’re not really going to a church at the moment, but are thinking that maybe you should, church “shopping” is the next prudent step.
However, shopping is a means to an end. The reason it’s so important to choose wisely is because once you choose, you should have some intention of commitment. One problem with our modern culture is that we’re incredibly fickle. Not only that, but we view this as a virtue. We think it’s for the best if we don’t get too attached to anything, and in the end we’re all just here to “do our own thing” and only form temporary alliances with churches when it’s the most convenient. But building community and doing God’s work together takes time and commitment. Churches will not get anywhere if everyone simply floats in and out on the wind, with no sense of obligation or loyalty.
Establish your priorities. No church is ideal; you probably will not get everything you want out of any particular church. Decide what’s most important to you: theology you agree with? Community full of people who seem like those you’d hang out with? Reverent, worshipful attitude? Proper view and use of spiritual gifts? Rich tradition? Brilliant sermons? Pleasing aesthetics? Lots of outreach? If you find a local church that has all of these elements, that’s fantastic. But seriously, it probably won’t happen. This is where it’s okay that your personality leads you to care more about some things than others. Choose how important each of these things is to you and weigh the churches around you accordingly.
That said, beware of churches that seem to emphasize one element to the extreme sacrifice of others. A church with great outreach and totally whacko theology, or a place with great sermons but a disjointed, strife-ridden community, are not ideal. Unless you are going to a church as a missionary, avoid churches with any giant, critical problem you can see a mile away. Avoid places where the staff and congregation seem almost uniformly corrupt, insane, or lifeless.
Consider personal taste, but don’t obsess over it. In addition to your core priorities, there are plenty of blatantly subjective things about churches, like its architecture or worship style. It’s sort of like picking a college or a girlfriend. There may be particular things that immediately attract you based on your personality and aesthetic sensibilities, and it’s good to care about them, but they aren’t everything, and there is probably no church perfectly suited to the exact combination of your personal preferences. I for one have completely given up on finding a church with music that I like. And that’s okay. I’ve established my priorities for church, and type of music just has to slide. And since a church is built around a whole community, personal taste might just be too personal to be a high priority.
Focus on giving more than receiving. You will be far less bored and more involved in God’s kingdom if you join a church that actually needs your help to do what they do. Typically, these are smaller churches and freshly planted churches, but not always. If you’re at a church that does not seem like it would benefit from more manpower, you may be tempted to be uninvolved and aloof, and it may not even matter to anyone if you are active or not. Come to a church wanting to serve and wanting to improve the place, not just wanting to be entertained or profoundly enlightened.
Find a pastor you can get along with. It goes without saying that you should find a pastor who is not a heretic or a fraud. But also important is whether or not he (or she) is someone you can personally see yourself serving under. This is different than finding a pastor you totally agree with. If you’re going to be anything more than a spectator in the church community, the pastor is essentially your boss. Other things being equal, be pragmatic and avoid pastors you’d clearly have a major personality clash with. Unless you’re just a disagreeable fellow who doesn’t get along with any authority, in which case, grow up.
Find a meaningful community. This might mean different things to different people. Perhaps you’re looking for people your age, an older mentor, or people who share your particular tradition or perspective on key issues. But no matter what a church may do, a church is its community. Many of the things you do at church you could do at home if you really wanted to. Community is really the only reason to go to church. But it’s a good reason, so choose a church with a community you want to be involved in. Small churches tend to have tight-knit communities, though on the flipside if you’re young it’s hard to find a small church with people your age.
Of course, none of these are rules. Use prayer and common sense. It might take a while to settle in; for me it was several months of going to nine churches before I picked the one I was happiest with. You might be able to pick one sooner, and if you live in the middle of nowhere you have less choices. Resist the urge to think a church community is pointless. Be critical, but don’t use it as an excuse for laziness or self-righteousness. When you find a decent place, invest your talents early and often and make a real effort to build relationships.
Lastly, as you settle on a church, be prepared for the following unavoidable flaws:
Too Cool / Too Lame. Churches vary greatly in their amount of apparent excitement/hipness or rigid boringness. But these are in essence the same complaint: you think church should be one style while the pastor thinks it should be another. “Cool” churches tend to focus on the arts and seeker-sensitivity at the expense of depth and truth. “Lame” churches tend to focus on reverence and biblical literacy at the expense of being lively and approachable. As you visit a church it will most likely strike you as erring on one side or the other. However, ask yourself how critical of a problem this is for the church. It’s not always as big a deal as it looks.
Lack of Proper Emphasis (According to You) On Some Important Thing. This will almost surely be the case. Unless that issue is vital to the Christian faith or one of your pre-established priorities, don’t get too worked up about it right away. This may be your chance to influence things for the better. In time you may be able to help shape the church for the better. Key phrase is in time. Don’t barge in and tell everyone what they’re doing wrong. That won’t work.
Your Stupid Self. With all your personal pet peeves, baggage, besetting sins, and bad ideas. It’s okay, we all have them. Compared to Christ, most of us are self-righteous idiots with huge egos. But we’ll put up with each other. That’s community, and we need it.
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